Sex.

Hi,

Sex is a bit of a taboo subject with me at the moment. Mainly because I am not getting enough and when I do (with Dream Guy) it is not exactly mind blowing anymore. This is down to time restraints and the fact that there is so much unsaid between us that it is hard to get the proper connection if you know what I mean.

Christ I really need to get to the bottom of this situation!!

Anyway - I have also been texting 'Fireman Guy' a little bit more. I had backed off him completely and told him not to contact me but he got back in touch recently and is keen to meet. He seems like an ok guy and is definitely wanting to please and pleasure me. The 'sexts' between us suggest that we would have fun between the sheets - or elsewhere! :-o

However - I have never ever imagined myself to be the kind of girl to meet a guy purely for sex. Why oh why am I even considering this? He has suggested that we meet on Friday. I am still uncertain. But then - why am I even sexting this guy??? This is beyond me and to be honest I am a little ashamed. We got in touch through my very brief stint on Plenty of Fish. (I will write another blog about that another time).

I've never met him - I do not know his second name - I have only been talking to him over text, occasionally, over the last few weeks.

I have no interest in dating anyone nor am I looking for a boyfriend so if I do meet this guy I know... and he knows what my sole intention will be. To get my 'freak' on! Ha ha

Ah here - I know the answer to this - I simply cannot meet him. I will be breaking a truck load of my own rules if I do. I shall try to get him to back off again. I am turning into a prick tease. I had better get a grip of myself as this is very much not cool.

Maybe I should just stick to porn and pleasuring myself for a while. It is getting very boring though and I am turning into some sort of extrovert in the fact that I have now started to get turned on by taking photos of myself and even videos to send to Dream Guy.. he does the same. There are videos of the two of us together too. It is fun and I do trust him with the images as he trusts me.... the thought of not sharing any kinkiness with anyone is a little scary to me at this stage!! lol

But then there is also 'Maverick Guy' - I shall have to take time to write a blog about him as he is no way part of my life other than the very odd email between us. However - he stirred up this immense sexual appetite in me (even though we never met).

I am going to have to invest in some new toys lol.

I know what has to be done... I should stop the photos, videos and casual sex/blowjobs with Dream Guy. It is just so much fun at the moment. grrrrrrrrr. - The naughty girl in me is not relishing this at all. It is like I have come to need this 'outlet'.

The most horrific thing about this whole Dream Guy situation is that I actually really really do still like him... could even be Love. I know I deserve better than him. If I let him go I may well find someone better who will love me for who I am, kids and all. Who will not leave me when an ex gets back in touch. Who will not promise me the world and make plans for a long long future and then just throw them all away. He really has hurt me and sometimes I forget that.

Guess it is just a little scary - I don't want to be alone. I have a lot to give. But who in their right mind will settle for a girl who is separated with three children. I do believe that there is someone out there though. I have to learn a very important trait though... PATIENCE. I am not good with that at the moment! lol

I also need to stop texting Fireman Guy all together -  what is the best way to go about this? Do I explain (yet again) that we can't meet as I don't want to be the kind of girl that sleeps with someone the first time we meet... or do I simply stop replying to him and just go silent?

So that is that. I am sure there is more to type but I have to go for now!

Laters x