Tuesday 22 January 2013

Sex.

Hi,

Sex is a bit of a taboo subject with me at the moment. Mainly because I am not getting enough and when I do (with Dream Guy) it is not exactly mind blowing anymore. This is down to time restraints and the fact that there is so much unsaid between us that it is hard to get the proper connection if you know what I mean.

Christ I really need to get to the bottom of this situation!!

Anyway - I have also been texting 'Fireman Guy' a little bit more. I had backed off him completely and told him not to contact me but he got back in touch recently and is keen to meet. He seems like an ok guy and is definitely wanting to please and pleasure me. The 'sexts' between us suggest that we would have fun between the sheets - or elsewhere! :-o

However - I have never ever imagined myself to be the kind of girl to meet a guy purely for sex. Why oh why am I even considering this? He has suggested that we meet on Friday. I am still uncertain. But then - why am I even sexting this guy??? This is beyond me and to be honest I am a little ashamed. We got in touch through my very brief stint on Plenty of Fish. (I will write another blog about that another time).

I've never met him - I do not know his second name - I have only been talking to him over text, occasionally, over the last few weeks.

I have no interest in dating anyone nor am I looking for a boyfriend so if I do meet this guy I know... and he knows what my sole intention will be. To get my 'freak' on! Ha ha

Ah here - I know the answer to this - I simply cannot meet him. I will be breaking a truck load of my own rules if I do. I shall try to get him to back off again. I am turning into a prick tease. I had better get a grip of myself as this is very much not cool.

Maybe I should just stick to porn and pleasuring myself for a while. It is getting very boring though and I am turning into some sort of extrovert in the fact that I have now started to get turned on by taking photos of myself and even videos to send to Dream Guy.. he does the same. There are videos of the two of us together too. It is fun and I do trust him with the images as he trusts me.... the thought of not sharing any kinkiness with anyone is a little scary to me at this stage!! lol

But then there is also 'Maverick Guy' - I shall have to take time to write a blog about him as he is no way part of my life other than the very odd email between us. However - he stirred up this immense sexual appetite in me (even though we never met).

I am going to have to invest in some new toys lol.

I know what has to be done... I should stop the photos, videos and casual sex/blowjobs with Dream Guy. It is just so much fun at the moment. grrrrrrrrr. - The naughty girl in me is not relishing this at all. It is like I have come to need this 'outlet'.

The most horrific thing about this whole Dream Guy situation is that I actually really really do still like him... could even be Love. I know I deserve better than him. If I let him go I may well find someone better who will love me for who I am, kids and all. Who will not leave me when an ex gets back in touch. Who will not promise me the world and make plans for a long long future and then just throw them all away. He really has hurt me and sometimes I forget that.

Guess it is just a little scary - I don't want to be alone. I have a lot to give. But who in their right mind will settle for a girl who is separated with three children. I do believe that there is someone out there though. I have to learn a very important trait though... PATIENCE. I am not good with that at the moment! lol

I also need to stop texting Fireman Guy all together -  what is the best way to go about this? Do I explain (yet again) that we can't meet as I don't want to be the kind of girl that sleeps with someone the first time we meet... or do I simply stop replying to him and just go silent?

So that is that. I am sure there is more to type but I have to go for now!

Laters x

Weekend of Sport

Ok..

So, last weekend was very bitter sweet.

I am passionate about Leinster Rugby and although we played a very exciting and glorious game against Exeter... also securing a bonus point, it was not enough and because of all the French sides losing (Toulon, Toulouse and Racing Metro - another reason to dislike French Sports...and Munster winning (slaggings)) we are out of the Heineken Cup. :(

I was gutted. Was literally on the edge of my seat over the weekend.. have also further cemented my reputation as a bloke in stone. (one comment from one of my female friends was 'when are your balls going to drop!') ha ha

I really do not know if I should take this as a compliment or not. I mean I am very much into sports and especially team sports but I do also look after myself and have the appearance of an attractive enough girl (so I am told!). I do not like fashion or soaps or shopping or spending crazy amounts of money on make up or products though! - Hmmmm.... maybe I am an anomaly! - I might write a blog on how my female friends (and females in general) perceive me another day. They are my girls though and we all love each other to pieces. We are just a little different! :)

Anyway.... now we have the Amlin Cup to enjoy so all is not lost.

There is also the RBS, Rabo Direct and the Lions but to name a few so there is plenty to keep us occupied!!

Also - Manchester United were up 1-0 against Spurs until Spurs scored a late goal so that was not great either.

On top of that my sons football and rugby matches were called off due to bad weather so that put us out of sync all together.

Got to go and make dinner now. Oh the Joys! ha ha

Laters x

Decisions Decisions

Hi Guys,

Well it has been a pretty quiet start to the new year so far. I have started to look into employment prospects and have been to meetings with career guidance folk.

Ideally I would like to go back to college to study PE Teaching with Biology. I have been in touch with the University and even submitted an application but on thinking it through further - a four year full time course is just not going to be possible for me at the moment. Just do not have a sufficient support network around me to help with my three sons. Anyway - they are my sons and their welfare is down to me. My ambition can wait a little bit longer.

Other than that I have decided to look for a part time position in an administrative role somewhere - this is where the wealth of my experience lies and if I get lucky I may even get a position in a sports organisation. lol

I would completely recommend career guidance help as it did help me focus on what I want, how to get it and also and most importantly - what is realistic.

A whole heap of categories came up that I would be able to go for so I have decided to take the next 12 months to work part time and focus on my sons and especially my eldest sons sports commitments. They are priority number 1. (might throw in the odd night course if I can too)

I will be re-evaluating again in 2014... or sooner... who knows what life will throw at us!!

In other news - I am still talking to Dream Guy. I seem to be unable to let him go at the moment. I do know that I will not be able to move on until I do but at the moment I am not in any position to move on at all. The boys barely see their father once a month so I simply do not have time to be starting up new relationships or even go on dates... men are so time consuming!! - Hopefully I will have my parents near me soon.. this will increase the amount of babysitting I get and hence I will be able to get some sort of social life back on track!!  My first point of call will be getting myself back to the gym and training though. Cannot wait for that!

Have to decide weather to get back into Boxing, Martial Arts, Football or Gaelic Football... these are all sports that I play. I must say that the Boxing was incredible fun so it may well be that. I was at a teaching level in martial arts so if I get fully back into that then it may become time consuming. I just need something that I can do for fun and fitness right now!

My sons enjoy their 'Power Ranger' training at home. That is all the teaching I need to do for now. (I am naturally the Pink Ranger. We also have Red, Blue and White Rangers :-)).

I am getting on well in the first aid organisation I am with too. Will be getting to cover more high profile events soon so I am really looking forward to that!

Priorities right now are:

1: The Boys (that'll never change)
2: Get a part time job
3: Get back to optimum fitness (by having fun!)

That'll do!

Laters x



Wednesday 9 January 2013

1st Post of 2013 :)

Hi guys!

Time to add another bit of ramblings from my crazy head to this thing.

OK... so, as you know I did not go out on New Years Eve. I did however go out on New Years Day. Oh Lord.

Now I don't go out that often and I rarely drink that much. Bring on day 1 of 2013 and I got to remember why I do not drink that much!

Went out with my friend at 5pm. Had intended on wearing just jeans and a top but she rings and says to wear a dress as we are staying out! Now I knew what this would mean lol. So I got glammed up, little black dress, smokey eyes, surfer girl hair - the works :-) (was actually fun to dress up for a random unplanned night out!) Went to her house and she looked great and we started on the champagne straight away. Headed out to pub and then another pub and then a club. Got home at 5.30am.

During the night out I became painfully aware of how crazy it is to be single and out on the town! The big Phil Taylor darts match was on so there were blokes everywhere. I was gutted that Phil Taylor won btw. I don't like him or his 'showmanship'. I think he is a terrible loser in public and that sends out a bad message to youngsters.. also the Arsenal match was on that day and I find it impossible not to mention the words 'footballing reasons' to them. *football fans will understand this* - I support Man Utd.

Anywho (ill leave sports talk for another blog... god help ya when its rugby I am ranting on about!), as it always seems to happen when I am out and there is sports on I end up getting involved in the banter with random people, usually men. So every time my friend went out for a smoke I would be glued to the TV, ended up talking to a group of lads. Having a great laugh and the craic was mighty. We went on to the next pub. Kept my back to the TV as I know my friend has no interest in sport! (oh - my friend is married so it was purely a girls night!) - we had a great laugh. Ended up sitting with a guy her husband knows and his Dad. The guy seemed nice but his 70+ old Dad was deadly! He was in the American Navy and told me a good few stories - loved it! He compared me to one of the singers that used to come to camp to entertain the troops! ha ha- I told him that he never heard me sing! -(think glass shattering everywhere)

Then we went to the club. My God.

Ended up giving out 3 fake numbers and I did kiss a guy but honestly that was the drink. He said something about Leinster Rugby and I kissed him. Didn't even fancy him lol - spent ages dancing and got a few lads approaching me which was strangely a good feeling. Turns out I enjoyed the attention! I gave out a few dance lessons too... good auld classics like 'The Funky Chicken', 'Stacking Shelves', 'Decking Cards'.... there are so many! - none of that apple bottom jeans business. Although I can do that rather well lol.. I prefer the dodgy classics.

The lads that I had the banter with in the other pub were there too and I really did start to feel like a piece of meat after a while so I retreated back to the bar. My friend found the whole thing hilarious.

My gosh - its like I just vomited out what was on my mind about that night there.... I promise that I will get used to this blogging business!

Anyway - Finally got home (went back to my friends house first and watched a John Bishop show while eating McDonalds... nearly wet myself laughing)... got home.... somehow managed to have a shower to wash the tan off... lay on my bed naked and woke up that way shivering 3 hours later. I literally just conked out! Climbed into the duvet about 8.30ish and did not/could not move till 1pm!

So that was my night out. I know it seems uneventful but I don't get many nights out so I went into detail there! lol

In other news - I am still talking to Dream guy of course. Things are extremely casual between us. Nothing to report.

I got a message on facebook out of the blue from a guy I was flirting with after my marriage broke down. We will call this 'kinky guy'.. as he is extremely kinky and in the drama of the marriage ending I flirted back... but in a kinky way. I mean the texts that were exchanged were mental! lol - stopped texting him well over a year ago and now he is back in touch and wants to start where we finished. This will only lead to trouble so I will avoid him.

Then 'Muscle Guy' (this is the guy who introduced me to 'Dream Guy') - I have known this guy a very long time. He now detests Dream Guy as I broke down in front of him as I am still heartbroken over him. Muscle Guy thinks that Dream Guy is a bit of a con man and that I can do far better than him. He will not even talk to Dream Guy anymore. Anyway, turns out Muscle Guy is attracted to me and has started texting me a lot of things... including telling me about dreams that he has had about me and 'how good it would be to play out those dreams'. Now Muscle Guy is attractive and in a moment of weakness I may have entertained him by texting back a few naughty things but I regretted it... told him that we couldn't go there as we are friends.. I just do not find him attractive in that way!

All this is getting me thinking.... why is it that I am being perceived as some sort of sex thing for guys. Nobody (except partners) knows about my 'sex' side lol. I dress casual, never slutty. I rarely wear make up and am more likely to be found messing around a pitch with my sons than beautifying myself!

Yet any guy that is showing interest seems to think it is ok to just go straight into the filthy talk and they think it is ok to bypass normal etiquette of dating. Am I insane? Is it wrong to not want to ever sleep with someone on a first date? Is it terrible to want to get to know someone before you give your body to them? (my views literally ended up in an argument with a fireman my friend gave my number to!)

Gosh - I dont know. - oh and another thing - two girls approached me accusing me of flirting with their boyfriends. I WAS TALKING SPORT WITH THEM. jaysus. this does happen at times though. I still maintain that jealous women are dangerous.

So I am trying to work out if I am sending off some sort of vibe. I really do not mean to as I only want to dance, have the banter and laugh on a night out. If I fancy someone and they do not have a girlfriend then they will damn well know I am flirting with them. lol

Nah, I am not sending out a vibe. People sometimes just don't understand tomboy girls. ha ha - we are a strange breed! (especially when we are not lesbian!)

I am not dealing well with this whole 'no regular sex' thing, this is going to take adjustment. God help whoever is my next partner. ha ha


- well that is it for this blog. Not even gonna read it back before I post it. I am still new to this so hopefully I will get more structure to them but for now I am rolling with whatever comes to mind, as it comes to mind. Thinking before I speak is not a strong point of mine!

My life is confusing the crap out of me these days lol.

Next time I will dedicate more thought into what post I put up! Just tired after a long, fun day with the boys. This single mother thing is full on! Their Dad is a waste of space really so its just me. I cannot wait to get back to work properly. I actually have an appointment with a career place tomorrow. Will let ye know how it goes.

Laters x

ps... thank you to Single_Man_75 for mentioning my blog in his blog. His blog is deadly. I really enjoy reading it and it is the inspiration behind mine! Thank you :-) http://thelifeofasingleman.blogspot.ie