Happy New Year

So here I am.

Made it to the end of the craziest year of my life!

This is not how I imagined spending my new years but how and ever - everything happens for a reason!

I am sitting in the house, on my laptop.... on my own! Boys are with their Dad and all my friends are currently pregnant, loved up or at extravagant parties that I could not afford to go to this year. The girl I was meant to go out with has come down with a stomach bug so unless I want to risk heading out on my own I am stuck here!

Sounds bad but I honestly do not mind. My brain is still kind of a mess with the whole Dream Guy situation so I think I shall fill you in on this first. Yes, there are more important agendas in my life at the mo too but Dream Guy seems to be on my mind all the time so I shall start here!

OK...

I have spent literally an hour trying to type out the Dream Guy situation but it is too hard to do it. I know I end up looking like an eegit at the end of it.

Basically we fell in love, it was amazing, then in June his ex from 20 years ago resurfaced on facebook and stirred up lots of old feelings for him. He broke up with me before he told me about her. He didn't meet up with her but he told me about her in September and he said he was confused about his feelings.

As my feelings for him were genuine I told him that he should follow his heart and go see her and make sure that he had no regrets. I was heartbroken. I can honestly say I behaved very maturely. I had a similar experience ('Superman Guy' - he was my first love from years ago and we did get in touch again) and when I actually faced Superman Guy I knew that my feelings for him were truly in the past and that they did not compare to how I felt for Dream Guy.

This all sounds like it should have been it. Relationship over. Go our separate ways.

Nope.

We are still seeing eachother and we have not spoken about his long lost ex since September. We are not together but we have maintained a close friendship and we do sleep together.

We could still exchange anything up to sometimes 200 messages a day and we talk regularly on the phone. He still calls to the house and nearly everytime he does we sleep together. He stayed in my house on Xmas Eve while I was away and he stayed over with me just the other night... holding me in his arms all night.

We never ever discuss our relationship or his ex. He is very mysterious. All I know is that he is single too.

One or two things to point out are that one day back in the summer his ex wife went through his phone and seen a lot of images of me. Naked images. Also videos of me and him together. Safe to say she does not like me! She looks nothing like me but she is a very successful woman. She is strict. I have never met her. She should not have went through his phone. Those images were private for me and him. I was beyond mortified though.

Dream Guy knows how I feel about him although I can honestly say that I am getting tired of waiting for answers from him... not even answers but a frank conversation on what it is that is going on between us.

I never met his family or friends. We never went on any dates. Since September there have been no overly lovey dovey conversations between us. We have become very good friends (with benefits).

There is a lot to comprehend but the connection is undeniable. 

I am getting tired of feeling like crap about this though. I know I cannot confront him on it. I have to wait until he is ready to talk to me. I would never force information out of anyone. It is always better when information is freely given to you.

It is now a case of when he does talk to me about it... will I still be there for him? Will I still want him as I do now? I can tell you I am thinking a lot of different things now than I have been over the last few months.

Maybe I don't realise it and maybe he does not think it will happen but I am slowly starting to think that I deserve better than this. I should not be made to feel like a secret or someone whom is second best.

I should be with someone who appreciates me and respects me. As I can tell you - as far as girlfriends go, I am a good one lol.

LOVE the matches, would watch sports all day. I have a high sex drive and always will. I am the kind of girl who would never cheat and I would make my man feel like a Prince ;) I am also open minded and independent. I would only ever encourage and help my partner achieve their dreams.

I don't think that I think like normal girls do though. I know my friends would not stand for this and would create WW3. I am patient, laid back and I believe things that are so good are worth waiting for.

Another reason that I am being so patient is that I am at a bit of a crossroads in life and my mind has a lot of other things on it and if things do not work out with Dream Guy I will not be pursuing another relationship for a long while. Men are far too complicated!!!!!

So currently I am single. I am seeing my ex on and off and I am currently very unsure of what fate has instore for me and Dream Guy.

He is not the kind of guy to do things that he does not want to do and he would not be seeing me unless he felt the connection that I feel. I am prepared to wait as long as it takes to hear what he has to say.

I just wonder that when he does decide to let me in on what is going on in his mind..... will I still want him or will my mind have moved on??? Currently I do not think so. I do love him. I have to... I would not be still waiting if i did not.

..... I have not slept with anybody other than him since September when we ended but I have not been a complete angel.... this is another story. ;)

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2013 brings answers... and more questions for us all!

I cannot wait for the Lions Tour, hopefully see Man Utd lift a few cups and pray that Leinster do well.

LIONS TOUR!!!! OMG :-)

Till next time!

Laters x