Sex.

Hi,

Sex is a bit of a taboo subject with me at the moment. Mainly because I am not getting enough and when I do (with Dream Guy) it is not exactly mind blowing anymore. This is down to time restraints and the fact that there is so much unsaid between us that it is hard to get the proper connection if you know what I mean.

Christ I really need to get to the bottom of this situation!!

Anyway - I have also been texting 'Fireman Guy' a little bit more. I had backed off him completely and told him not to contact me but he got back in touch recently and is keen to meet. He seems like an ok guy and is definitely wanting to please and pleasure me. The 'sexts' between us suggest that we would have fun between the sheets - or elsewhere! :-o

However - I have never ever imagined myself to be the kind of girl to meet a guy purely for sex. Why oh why am I even considering this? He has suggested that we meet on Friday. I am still uncertain. But then - why am I even sexting this guy??? This is beyond me and to be honest I am a little ashamed. We got in touch through my very brief stint on Plenty of Fish. (I will write another blog about that another time).

I've never met him - I do not know his second name - I have only been talking to him over text, occasionally, over the last few weeks.

I have no interest in dating anyone nor am I looking for a boyfriend so if I do meet this guy I know... and he knows what my sole intention will be. To get my 'freak' on! Ha ha

Ah here - I know the answer to this - I simply cannot meet him. I will be breaking a truck load of my own rules if I do. I shall try to get him to back off again. I am turning into a prick tease. I had better get a grip of myself as this is very much not cool.

Maybe I should just stick to porn and pleasuring myself for a while. It is getting very boring though and I am turning into some sort of extrovert in the fact that I have now started to get turned on by taking photos of myself and even videos to send to Dream Guy.. he does the same. There are videos of the two of us together too. It is fun and I do trust him with the images as he trusts me.... the thought of not sharing any kinkiness with anyone is a little scary to me at this stage!! lol

But then there is also 'Maverick Guy' - I shall have to take time to write a blog about him as he is no way part of my life other than the very odd email between us. However - he stirred up this immense sexual appetite in me (even though we never met).

I am going to have to invest in some new toys lol.

I know what has to be done... I should stop the photos, videos and casual sex/blowjobs with Dream Guy. It is just so much fun at the moment. grrrrrrrrr. - The naughty girl in me is not relishing this at all. It is like I have come to need this 'outlet'.

The most horrific thing about this whole Dream Guy situation is that I actually really really do still like him... could even be Love. I know I deserve better than him. If I let him go I may well find someone better who will love me for who I am, kids and all. Who will not leave me when an ex gets back in touch. Who will not promise me the world and make plans for a long long future and then just throw them all away. He really has hurt me and sometimes I forget that.

Guess it is just a little scary - I don't want to be alone. I have a lot to give. But who in their right mind will settle for a girl who is separated with three children. I do believe that there is someone out there though. I have to learn a very important trait though... PATIENCE. I am not good with that at the moment! lol

I also need to stop texting Fireman Guy all together -  what is the best way to go about this? Do I explain (yet again) that we can't meet as I don't want to be the kind of girl that sleeps with someone the first time we meet... or do I simply stop replying to him and just go silent?

So that is that. I am sure there is more to type but I have to go for now!

Laters x

Weekend of Sport

Ok..

So, last weekend was very bitter sweet.

I am passionate about Leinster Rugby and although we played a very exciting and glorious game against Exeter... also securing a bonus point, it was not enough and because of all the French sides losing (Toulon, Toulouse and Racing Metro - another reason to dislike French Sports...and Munster winning (slaggings)) we are out of the Heineken Cup. :(

I was gutted. Was literally on the edge of my seat over the weekend.. have also further cemented my reputation as a bloke in stone. (one comment from one of my female friends was 'when are your balls going to drop!') ha ha

I really do not know if I should take this as a compliment or not. I mean I am very much into sports and especially team sports but I do also look after myself and have the appearance of an attractive enough girl (so I am told!). I do not like fashion or soaps or shopping or spending crazy amounts of money on make up or products though! - Hmmmm.... maybe I am an anomaly! - I might write a blog on how my female friends (and females in general) perceive me another day. They are my girls though and we all love each other to pieces. We are just a little different! :)

Anyway.... now we have the Amlin Cup to enjoy so all is not lost.

There is also the RBS, Rabo Direct and the Lions but to name a few so there is plenty to keep us occupied!!

Also - Manchester United were up 1-0 against Spurs until Spurs scored a late goal so that was not great either.

On top of that my sons football and rugby matches were called off due to bad weather so that put us out of sync all together.

Got to go and make dinner now. Oh the Joys! ha ha

Laters x

Decisions Decisions

Hi Guys,

Well it has been a pretty quiet start to the new year so far. I have started to look into employment prospects and have been to meetings with career guidance folk.

Ideally I would like to go back to college to study PE Teaching with Biology. I have been in touch with the University and even submitted an application but on thinking it through further - a four year full time course is just not going to be possible for me at the moment. Just do not have a sufficient support network around me to help with my three sons. Anyway - they are my sons and their welfare is down to me. My ambition can wait a little bit longer.

Other than that I have decided to look for a part time position in an administrative role somewhere - this is where the wealth of my experience lies and if I get lucky I may even get a position in a sports organisation. lol

I would completely recommend career guidance help as it did help me focus on what I want, how to get it and also and most importantly - what is realistic.

A whole heap of categories came up that I would be able to go for so I have decided to take the next 12 months to work part time and focus on my sons and especially my eldest sons sports commitments. They are priority number 1. (might throw in the odd night course if I can too)

I will be re-evaluating again in 2014... or sooner... who knows what life will throw at us!!

In other news - I am still talking to Dream Guy. I seem to be unable to let him go at the moment. I do know that I will not be able to move on until I do but at the moment I am not in any position to move on at all. The boys barely see their father once a month so I simply do not have time to be starting up new relationships or even go on dates... men are so time consuming!! - Hopefully I will have my parents near me soon.. this will increase the amount of babysitting I get and hence I will be able to get some sort of social life back on track!!  My first point of call will be getting myself back to the gym and training though. Cannot wait for that!

Have to decide weather to get back into Boxing, Martial Arts, Football or Gaelic Football... these are all sports that I play. I must say that the Boxing was incredible fun so it may well be that. I was at a teaching level in martial arts so if I get fully back into that then it may become time consuming. I just need something that I can do for fun and fitness right now!

My sons enjoy their 'Power Ranger' training at home. That is all the teaching I need to do for now. (I am naturally the Pink Ranger. We also have Red, Blue and White Rangers :-)).

I am getting on well in the first aid organisation I am with too. Will be getting to cover more high profile events soon so I am really looking forward to that!

Priorities right now are:

1: The Boys (that'll never change)
2: Get a part time job
3: Get back to optimum fitness (by having fun!)

That'll do!

Laters x

1st Post of 2013 :)

Hi guys!

Time to add another bit of ramblings from my crazy head to this thing.

OK... so, as you know I did not go out on New Years Eve. I did however go out on New Years Day. Oh Lord.

Now I don't go out that often and I rarely drink that much. Bring on day 1 of 2013 and I got to remember why I do not drink that much!

Went out with my friend at 5pm. Had intended on wearing just jeans and a top but she rings and says to wear a dress as we are staying out! Now I knew what this would mean lol. So I got glammed up, little black dress, smokey eyes, surfer girl hair - the works :-) (was actually fun to dress up for a random unplanned night out!) Went to her house and she looked great and we started on the champagne straight away. Headed out to pub and then another pub and then a club. Got home at 5.30am.

During the night out I became painfully aware of how crazy it is to be single and out on the town! The big Phil Taylor darts match was on so there were blokes everywhere. I was gutted that Phil Taylor won btw. I don't like him or his 'showmanship'. I think he is a terrible loser in public and that sends out a bad message to youngsters.. also the Arsenal match was on that day and I find it impossible not to mention the words 'footballing reasons' to them. *football fans will understand this* - I support Man Utd.

Anywho (ill leave sports talk for another blog... god help ya when its rugby I am ranting on about!), as it always seems to happen when I am out and there is sports on I end up getting involved in the banter with random people, usually men. So every time my friend went out for a smoke I would be glued to the TV, ended up talking to a group of lads. Having a great laugh and the craic was mighty. We went on to the next pub. Kept my back to the TV as I know my friend has no interest in sport! (oh - my friend is married so it was purely a girls night!) - we had a great laugh. Ended up sitting with a guy her husband knows and his Dad. The guy seemed nice but his 70+ old Dad was deadly! He was in the American Navy and told me a good few stories - loved it! He compared me to one of the singers that used to come to camp to entertain the troops! ha ha- I told him that he never heard me sing! -(think glass shattering everywhere)

Then we went to the club. My God.

Ended up giving out 3 fake numbers and I did kiss a guy but honestly that was the drink. He said something about Leinster Rugby and I kissed him. Didn't even fancy him lol - spent ages dancing and got a few lads approaching me which was strangely a good feeling. Turns out I enjoyed the attention! I gave out a few dance lessons too... good auld classics like 'The Funky Chicken', 'Stacking Shelves', 'Decking Cards'.... there are so many! - none of that apple bottom jeans business. Although I can do that rather well lol.. I prefer the dodgy classics.

The lads that I had the banter with in the other pub were there too and I really did start to feel like a piece of meat after a while so I retreated back to the bar. My friend found the whole thing hilarious.

My gosh - its like I just vomited out what was on my mind about that night there.... I promise that I will get used to this blogging business!

Anyway - Finally got home (went back to my friends house first and watched a John Bishop show while eating McDonalds... nearly wet myself laughing)... got home.... somehow managed to have a shower to wash the tan off... lay on my bed naked and woke up that way shivering 3 hours later. I literally just conked out! Climbed into the duvet about 8.30ish and did not/could not move till 1pm!

So that was my night out. I know it seems uneventful but I don't get many nights out so I went into detail there! lol

In other news - I am still talking to Dream guy of course. Things are extremely casual between us. Nothing to report.

I got a message on facebook out of the blue from a guy I was flirting with after my marriage broke down. We will call this 'kinky guy'.. as he is extremely kinky and in the drama of the marriage ending I flirted back... but in a kinky way. I mean the texts that were exchanged were mental! lol - stopped texting him well over a year ago and now he is back in touch and wants to start where we finished. This will only lead to trouble so I will avoid him.

Then 'Muscle Guy' (this is the guy who introduced me to 'Dream Guy') - I have known this guy a very long time. He now detests Dream Guy as I broke down in front of him as I am still heartbroken over him. Muscle Guy thinks that Dream Guy is a bit of a con man and that I can do far better than him. He will not even talk to Dream Guy anymore. Anyway, turns out Muscle Guy is attracted to me and has started texting me a lot of things... including telling me about dreams that he has had about me and 'how good it would be to play out those dreams'. Now Muscle Guy is attractive and in a moment of weakness I may have entertained him by texting back a few naughty things but I regretted it... told him that we couldn't go there as we are friends.. I just do not find him attractive in that way!

All this is getting me thinking.... why is it that I am being perceived as some sort of sex thing for guys. Nobody (except partners) knows about my 'sex' side lol. I dress casual, never slutty. I rarely wear make up and am more likely to be found messing around a pitch with my sons than beautifying myself!

Yet any guy that is showing interest seems to think it is ok to just go straight into the filthy talk and they think it is ok to bypass normal etiquette of dating. Am I insane? Is it wrong to not want to ever sleep with someone on a first date? Is it terrible to want to get to know someone before you give your body to them? (my views literally ended up in an argument with a fireman my friend gave my number to!)

Gosh - I dont know. - oh and another thing - two girls approached me accusing me of flirting with their boyfriends. I WAS TALKING SPORT WITH THEM. jaysus. this does happen at times though. I still maintain that jealous women are dangerous.

So I am trying to work out if I am sending off some sort of vibe. I really do not mean to as I only want to dance, have the banter and laugh on a night out. If I fancy someone and they do not have a girlfriend then they will damn well know I am flirting with them. lol

Nah, I am not sending out a vibe. People sometimes just don't understand tomboy girls. ha ha - we are a strange breed! (especially when we are not lesbian!)

I am not dealing well with this whole 'no regular sex' thing, this is going to take adjustment. God help whoever is my next partner. ha ha


- well that is it for this blog. Not even gonna read it back before I post it. I am still new to this so hopefully I will get more structure to them but for now I am rolling with whatever comes to mind, as it comes to mind. Thinking before I speak is not a strong point of mine!

My life is confusing the crap out of me these days lol.

Next time I will dedicate more thought into what post I put up! Just tired after a long, fun day with the boys. This single mother thing is full on! Their Dad is a waste of space really so its just me. I cannot wait to get back to work properly. I actually have an appointment with a career place tomorrow. Will let ye know how it goes.

Laters x

ps... thank you to Single_Man_75 for mentioning my blog in his blog. His blog is deadly. I really enjoy reading it and it is the inspiration behind mine! Thank you :-) http://thelifeofasingleman.blogspot.ie

Happy New Year

So here I am.

Made it to the end of the craziest year of my life!

This is not how I imagined spending my new years but how and ever - everything happens for a reason!

I am sitting in the house, on my laptop.... on my own! Boys are with their Dad and all my friends are currently pregnant, loved up or at extravagant parties that I could not afford to go to this year. The girl I was meant to go out with has come down with a stomach bug so unless I want to risk heading out on my own I am stuck here!

Sounds bad but I honestly do not mind. My brain is still kind of a mess with the whole Dream Guy situation so I think I shall fill you in on this first. Yes, there are more important agendas in my life at the mo too but Dream Guy seems to be on my mind all the time so I shall start here!

OK...

I have spent literally an hour trying to type out the Dream Guy situation but it is too hard to do it. I know I end up looking like an eegit at the end of it.

Basically we fell in love, it was amazing, then in June his ex from 20 years ago resurfaced on facebook and stirred up lots of old feelings for him. He broke up with me before he told me about her. He didn't meet up with her but he told me about her in September and he said he was confused about his feelings.

As my feelings for him were genuine I told him that he should follow his heart and go see her and make sure that he had no regrets. I was heartbroken. I can honestly say I behaved very maturely. I had a similar experience ('Superman Guy' - he was my first love from years ago and we did get in touch again) and when I actually faced Superman Guy I knew that my feelings for him were truly in the past and that they did not compare to how I felt for Dream Guy.

This all sounds like it should have been it. Relationship over. Go our separate ways.

Nope.

We are still seeing eachother and we have not spoken about his long lost ex since September. We are not together but we have maintained a close friendship and we do sleep together.

We could still exchange anything up to sometimes 200 messages a day and we talk regularly on the phone. He still calls to the house and nearly everytime he does we sleep together. He stayed in my house on Xmas Eve while I was away and he stayed over with me just the other night... holding me in his arms all night.

We never ever discuss our relationship or his ex. He is very mysterious. All I know is that he is single too.

One or two things to point out are that one day back in the summer his ex wife went through his phone and seen a lot of images of me. Naked images. Also videos of me and him together. Safe to say she does not like me! She looks nothing like me but she is a very successful woman. She is strict. I have never met her. She should not have went through his phone. Those images were private for me and him. I was beyond mortified though.

Dream Guy knows how I feel about him although I can honestly say that I am getting tired of waiting for answers from him... not even answers but a frank conversation on what it is that is going on between us.

I never met his family or friends. We never went on any dates. Since September there have been no overly lovey dovey conversations between us. We have become very good friends (with benefits).

There is a lot to comprehend but the connection is undeniable. 

I am getting tired of feeling like crap about this though. I know I cannot confront him on it. I have to wait until he is ready to talk to me. I would never force information out of anyone. It is always better when information is freely given to you.

It is now a case of when he does talk to me about it... will I still be there for him? Will I still want him as I do now? I can tell you I am thinking a lot of different things now than I have been over the last few months.

Maybe I don't realise it and maybe he does not think it will happen but I am slowly starting to think that I deserve better than this. I should not be made to feel like a secret or someone whom is second best.

I should be with someone who appreciates me and respects me. As I can tell you - as far as girlfriends go, I am a good one lol.

LOVE the matches, would watch sports all day. I have a high sex drive and always will. I am the kind of girl who would never cheat and I would make my man feel like a Prince ;) I am also open minded and independent. I would only ever encourage and help my partner achieve their dreams.

I don't think that I think like normal girls do though. I know my friends would not stand for this and would create WW3. I am patient, laid back and I believe things that are so good are worth waiting for.

Another reason that I am being so patient is that I am at a bit of a crossroads in life and my mind has a lot of other things on it and if things do not work out with Dream Guy I will not be pursuing another relationship for a long while. Men are far too complicated!!!!!

So currently I am single. I am seeing my ex on and off and I am currently very unsure of what fate has instore for me and Dream Guy.

He is not the kind of guy to do things that he does not want to do and he would not be seeing me unless he felt the connection that I feel. I am prepared to wait as long as it takes to hear what he has to say.

I just wonder that when he does decide to let me in on what is going on in his mind..... will I still want him or will my mind have moved on??? Currently I do not think so. I do love him. I have to... I would not be still waiting if i did not.

..... I have not slept with anybody other than him since September when we ended but I have not been a complete angel.... this is another story. ;)

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2013 brings answers... and more questions for us all!

I cannot wait for the Lions Tour, hopefully see Man Utd lift a few cups and pray that Leinster do well.

LIONS TOUR!!!! OMG :-)

Till next time!

Laters x

Where to start!!??!!

Alrighty, May as well kick start this thing.

Only problem is where do I start? lol

Few options:

- My Sons
- 'Dream Guy'
- My Ex Husband and what now feels like my past life! lol
- My mind
- Friends (being the sporty one amongst all my girly girl friends lol)
- That god damned website - Plenty of Fish
- The level of idiots that are in existence out there
- The Life I am having to lead at the moment and my plans that are in action to better it
- How to handle guys
- My Family
- 'Fireman Guy'
- 'Superman Guy'
- 'Muscle Guy'
- 'Maverick Guy'
- The Radio :-) - (i love listening to the radio.. one show in particular that I will no doubt be ranting on about too)
- My confusing yet 'colourful' more intimate side lol
- then there is the usual randomness that will consistently come into my head!
- Also - during important match's I may rant on like a bloke about players/managers/refs who piss me off. Nigel Owens seems to get my gravy boiling a good bit. I love the games a will at some stage no doubt do running commentaries on them. - Some of those may be my sons games. He is 10 and is gifted when it comes to sport. I am very proud of him and no doubt his brothers will be in some way similar.

Now with all the mentions of the different guys up there I can tell you that I have infact been only serious about one of them. Dream Guy. I have not done anything sordid with any of the others but they all do have their own story! You will get to know that although I am quite a sexual person and very open minded when I am with my partner - I would NEVER give my body to somebody I did not know. I don't do one night stands and I am not a 'slut' lol.

The blogs I write will be honest and I will tell you about mistakes I have made (there have been a few things I have done that I am not very proud of). I still have an awful lot to learn too.

At the end of the day.... it is night. (ha ha - couldn't resist!)

At the end of the day I really am the Girl Next Door. Grew up with all brothers on a road where all the kids my age were boys. I hated wearing dresses and was nicknamed 'The General' at the age of 8 by my friends for my awesome fort building and war game strategy skills. lol

So I shall now decide on what to blog about next time. If you have any suggestions please let me know! lol

Laters x

Introduction!

Hello All!

I am going to treat this blog very much like my own online diary.

My life has been full of drama lately. So much so I would say I could at times give those soap writers some inspiration! (although I absolutely detest the soaps!)

Very long story cut a bit short is that I met the guy I fell pregnant with at the age of 18. Got pregnant accident at the tender age of 19, married said guy and the rest as they say is history.

Before I got pregnant I had been studying for my Privates Pilots Licence, had a good job, was training all the time and had a boyfriend who lived a good bit away.

Had my son at the age of 20 and he is now 10. He is amazing - as are his two little brothers and they are the centre of my world.... well along with sport! lol

I separated from their father in May 2011 and except for one intense yet brief relationship (which I will explain!) I have been single since then and holy moly... the dating world is an intense and insane place to be!!!

I have been told I am easy on the eye and I do like to keep myself in shape but I am the opposite of the 'girly girl'.

I am low maintenance, independent, adventurous and I can be hyper on a dancefloor. lol

Anywho... I am currently trying to find my career path, volunteering with a first aid organisation and trying to get over being completely heartbroken by the brief relationship guy... we will call him 'Dream Guy', literally because on paper he is exactly my dream man!

I am also trying my hardest to adjust to being a stay at home mam to the three boys until September 2013 when they are all in school. The two youngest are still too young for school!

I am also adjusting to this new age dating and learning bits and pieces about myself and the world in the process.

Guess I am just a girl who is in a situation at the moment and I am trying to make the best of it until I figure everything out!

I hope you make sense of my ramblings and enjoy my blogs. They may not be for the feint hearted at times though as I do also have quite a high sex drive and I will discuss this part of my life too!